North Star {Amy Cardi Crochet}

This is the twelfth post in my North Star November series….a soul centered discussion about depression.  Each day this month, I’ll be sharing a piece of my soul’s journey, along with a free pattern to thank you for taking part in such an important conversation!  Catch up by reading Day 11Move forward to Day 13.

Bench along path

First Stop on the Journey

Awareness

Bringing awareness to old thought patterns, conditioning learned as a child, and false beliefs I’d grown to identify with, was another step in my healing journey.

When I started to truly follow my own energy and listen to my inner-most self, I realized there were areas of my life that were lacking.  These areas needed to be addressed.

One of them was my marriage.

Because I met my husband at the young age of 16, I really had no idea who I was when we married.  We’ve had a fabulous marriage.  We’re best friends and we rarely fight….and until recently we also never really knew each other.  How could we when we’d never grown to know ourselves as individuals?

The young woman looking to discover herself had been screaming at me from inside for quite some time.

It was time to listen.

In my quest to learn more about my authentic self, I reached out to an incredible relationship coach, Susan.  What I loved about her most was the deep compassion, and lack of judgment that seemed to bubble up from some internal spring inside her soul.  What I also loved was the huge value she places on marriage.

Susan wanted me to connect with honor and be true to my most authentic self.  She also wanted to see my marriage succeed.

So began some BIG work.

Comment and tell me…

Is there a relationship in your life that needs work?  Have you been ignoring an inner voice for too long?  Tell me about it.

{Though I do try to check all comments here on my blog regularly, it is not monitored 24/7.  If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help!  This suicide hotline is available 24 hours a day to support you: 1-800-273-8255}

crochet chevron cardigan

Amy Cardi Crochet Pattern

Another awesome pattern….

I wanted to share something extra special today since we’re pretty far into this journey now.  I super appreciate all of you who have stuck around and continued to follow along.

So I’m sharing my Amy Cardi Crochet Pattern.  It’s a really gorgeous design that features nine sizes Toddler through Adult 3XL.  It also includes detailed video tutorials to go along with the design.

Because this pattern includes so many sizes, it’s super long.  The PDF is 33 pages….SO….rather than posting the whole lengthy pattern here, I’m emailing this one to anyone who would like it.  All you need to do is input your info. into the form at the bottom of this post and I’ll email you the pattern along with a coupon code to add it to your Ravelry library.  If you don’t want to stay on my newsletter email list afterwards, simply unsubscribe at the bottom of the Amy Cardi delivery email.

Please Share!

1. Head over to Ravelry, add this pattern to your favorites and queue the pattern listing. This is a great way to help designers connect with new customers, and we always super appreciate you taking that extra moment!

You’ll find the Ravelry listing here.

2. Share this blog post with your crafty friends. Please use the handy social sharing buttons at the bottom of this post so your crafty friends can take advantage of this free pattern too.

3.  Scroll down to view the pattern OR if you’d like an ad-free PDF copy of this pattern (or to add the pattern to your Rav. library), simply input your email address into this form and I’ll email one over:

 

 

This design, a written work and images are a copyright of
©MelodysMakings and may not be copied or reproduced in any way.

You have permission to sell finished products made from this pattern, but please leave a link to my website, www.melodys-makings.com, in your product listing specifying that I am the designer of this pattern.  Thank you for supporting me as a work at home mother!

42 Comments On “North Star {Amy Cardi Crochet}”

  1. I would say my relationship with my Mom could use some work. Unfortunatelly, in my country professional help doesn’t really exist. Not the way in USA is anyway…
    Besides, our parents didn’t really have the time to make a real relationship with their kids. When I was younger, my mother worked 3 shifts. We went to school in 3 shifts, as the number of children was that high. Weeks went by and me and my Mom would only meet on weekends!
    Anyway, as a grown up I feel we made progress but we still have a long journey.
    This is something I have learned from and now I try spending time knowing my own children and trying not to miss anything.

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    • Love that you’re using the knowledge about your own relationship with your mom to change things with your children. I think the parent/child relationship is one that always can use more tending <3

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  2. I never spoke to my husband about the trauma I experienced as a teen, he had an idea but I never wanted to speak about it. To speak about it out loud to the man I love was to frightening for me…I did eventually tell him not knowing how he would react. This rugged tough guy reacted with love and compassion. It took many years (wish I told him sooner) but now he gets me and I get him, if that makes sense? xx

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    • Very cool Annie! It’s funny how we have a hard time sharing our deepest most thoughts with our spouses. Nick and I have been really working to be more honest even about little things…and it’s been quite the transition! In doing that, some things about our teen years have finally come into light as well. Really neat to grow together that way.

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  3. because my husband is struggling with depression, our relationship has shifted from being equal partners to me being a semi caregiver. He has medical issues which cause his depression, but his doctors seem to think it is the other way around
    I have to try and be positive for him, while inside I am crying and screaming

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    • That must be really difficult. Being a caregiver as well as struggling with your own depression can be extremely overwhelming from what I’ve read. Sending lots of love your way today!

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  4. I love that you are being so open and honest with us all. My journey with anxiety and depression has been rough as most peoples have been. I wish more people talked about it so openly. My relationship with myself needs work. I feel like I put myself on the back burner a lot.

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  5. I can really relate to the need to find yourself and think that we all need to measure this activity, continuously through our life time. In my 20’s the measure was simply enjoying life. In my 30’s it was establishing my career. In my 40’s it is determining how to enjoy life and navigate my career as well as planning for retirement (hopefully). I congratulate you on the new awareness and encourage you to celebrate each new stage as it comes. I’ve learned that the journey can be just as fun as the awareness gained, even when depression may lurk on that path. It can often be the challenge or obstacle that brings you to the next awakening.

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    • Wow! This comment really speaks to my heart, Lynette! Thanks for taking the time to share…you’re so right that life holds so many new stages along the way and finding ways to hold gratitude for them might just be the key to a more peaceful existence 🙂

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  6. I wish I could find a group of women like all of you where I live. Thank all of you for sharing.

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  7. I had to find the courage to tell my husband about a very dark time in my life, it was the most difficult thing I had to do. It brought back so many terrible memories of a period in my childhood but in so doing, it helped both of us. My husband began to understand why I would react to situations the way I did and it helped me come to terms with my childhood and to be able to forgive.

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    • Wow! It often takes immense amounts of courage to get us to that point, but I’m happy you did. Sounds like it made your communication a lot better…these are the things I’m learning with my husband.

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  8. Not enough room on this page to write the struggles. The toxic home I left the day I was legally able to, the perception of family that was completely screwed up and ruined what should have been beautiful relationships, to the doctors that should have helped work me thru things but only over medicated. Each emotion brought on a different prescription it seemed. Which resulted in a zombie like mindset that left me going thru the motions of daily life. And an attempt to end my life. Or so it would seem. once I came out of my medicated fog and saw what was done, I never took another antidepressant or anything similar since. Did tons of analyzing and learning and came to all the truths that should have presented themselves in their true forms as a child. It took me until my early 20’s for half of the realizations, the other half, my early 30’s. I am left scrambling and struggling to hold on and fix some of the relationships that never should have been destroyed to begin with.

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  9. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing. It strikes at the heart. I’ve been going through things for a number of years. Never wanted to admit that I had depression. Grew up being told that you aren’t right with God if you have depression.
    I knew I needed help. I went to a seminar called Choices. It has given me a new release. Gives a person tools to help with life and build yourself up to be who you are. No judgment

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  10. Relationship is non-existent! My inner voice has showed me to stay away from this!

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  11. As a couple other have said, the relationship I have with myself was the one I needed to work on most. I’m the 9th of 10, look completely opposite of all my siblings (a not very nice older sister took great pleasure in telling me I was adopted 🙄) and have a completely different personality. I’ve always been open to therapy and majored in psychology and both helped me become happier with myself and have better relationships with others. It’s also helped me except that it’s okay to eliminate toxic people from my life.
    We hear often about eliminating toxins from our body by way of food and drink but not as much about the damage done by the toxic people and attitudes we allow in our lives. No one would consider drinking bleach or eating moldy food so it stands to reason we should avoid caustic and dangerous thoughts and people.

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    • Love this! SO true. It’s hard to learn about making boundaries and keeping our sacred spaces safe of toxicity, but it’s also very important! Thanks for your comment 🙂

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  12. thanks…the only thing that keeps me hanging on is my knitting and crochet

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  13. So Ms. Melody. You are me 20 years ago. The old saying I wish I knew then what I know now. I am happy to hear that you doing this for yourself. And taking all of us today n your journey with you. I see in my youngest daughter – you. She got a job at a really fun store and she is realizing that she’s smart. And she is. She is working with some really good influences. Funny where it comes from. I love reading your blogs on this subject. Hits you in the heart. I’m happy that you are learning how important you are at a young age. And I am happy that you are sharing. Very brave. Good on you. Sharann.

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  14. It would be nice to have a relationship with my father, sister and oldest daughter again. Unfortunately, my father and sister are too busy running from truths in my life to talk with me about them, and my oldest daughter is listening to people who haven’t seen me in years, and have no idea what I’m like now, as compared to the admittedly toxic person I was 10 years ago. None of them want to see how much I’ve grown in the past decade, they’d rather continue to vilify me and believe that I can’t change. Their loss. I’m a much better person now.

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    • The most important thing is that YOU see the difference. The deeper we go into bettering ourselves and taking care of ourselves, the more things shift among family members too. I hope this is the case for you, and that they’ll come around. I understand when people simply can’t “see” what you’re telling them due to their own past conditioning though.

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  15. Both my parents are gone and my husband has dementia so no getting anywhere there, just constant care taking. My sons are great though. Some people think it’s weird because we are close, I’m thinking they are weird for not wanting to be close with theirs.

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  16. I’ve been dealing with trying to improve my relationships with my 3 grown kids ( they ate 18-22). I’m realizing that in doing this I need to be better to myself. I was a single mom always broke & doing the best I could. They are still too young to realize just how hard that was to do. At 50 I’m trying to rediscover my own loves. & interests. Its a lonely journey but I’m making strives to be kinder to myself. Funny I never imagined I’d feel so alone at my age, yet I’m happy & frightened by so many choices I seem to have. Thankfully I love myself enough to enjoy my own company. That and I found a good therapist that is helping me learn I’m the only me I have.

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    • Love that you’re learning to be better to yourself! I think it’s a huge step on the journey. And learning to be our own best friend has to be the biggest challenge, but also the most rewarding long term. Thanks for sharing <3

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  17. Most of my life I have felt like I was on the outside looking in – not any more … putting myself first (taking care of me!) has become a mission! If you don’t love you, how can anyone love you? was always the voice in my head – because of childhood trauma, molestation and other forms of abuse, it was hard to learn to love myself – thank the eternal one I have a great husband who has been thru it all with me for almost 50 yrs!!! Its about time, I had some happy too!!

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  18. Victoria Cunningham

    I met my fiancé when I was 17 and he was 23. That was 7.5yrs ago and now we have 2 beautiful girls (3yrs & 8months). We have been through A LOT especially this year because there was complications with our baby girl and I had to have an emergency c-section 6wks before her due date.. It took a strain on our relationship because he went back to work and I was either home alone or at the hospital the 3 weeks she was in the NICU. I cried everytime he left and I stayed at the hospital.. I’m terrible at opening up and letting my feelings out. I’m the kind of person who bottles everything up and it was hurting us as a couple.
    He would not stop and got me to talk about everything spinning around in my head. I am so grateful for my true love 💕 He makes me a better me for myself and my girls. I have never loved myself.. He pushes me to be happy with myself so we can be happy, and it works! I could not ask for a better man to live this life with.

    It definitely helps having a supporting spouse, but you do need to love yourself before really knowing how to love others. Having our girls has shown me what real love is and to share it with the man I love is even better. It’s good to talk about things and not bottle stuff up. You have to find time, even 10 minutes, to take care of yourself. My Gramma told me that and it definitely helps to have a few minutes to yourself. Crocheting is my relaxing happytime. And drawing or reading 📚

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  19. I have loved reading your emails everyday. Many days you say the things that I feel but don’t have anyone to share with. All my relationships need improving. I can’t be myself around anyone for the fear of being judged as not good enough. I struggle with feelings of unworthiness and not being good enough. I wish there was a support group for depression where we can talk about our experiences without being judged as failures. Sometimes I look in the mirror and can’t recognize the person I see. I miss the bold, daring, risk taking, fun loving, bubbly, smiling person, confident person I used to be.

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  20. I have a bad relationship with my youngest son. He likes to control everything, He would ask for something and like something from my husbands stuff Then he everything from the estate and get mad about it if I say no. He calls to dominate me so I cutoff communiation with him until he comes back to reality.

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    • Sending love. I wonder if there’s an assumption you’ve made about yourself due to this hard situation? Sounds like a real challenge! Taking care of yourself is so important <3

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  21. As we grow into a life of presence and mindfulness, relationships can also grow and improve. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and also your creativity!

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  22. This month for myself is a rollar coaster I gave birth to my beautiful daughter on November 5th 2008, but I lost my son (who was turning 12 on New Year’s Eve Day) on November 18th 2015. So, it’s so hard for me to celebrate the holidays and her birthday which makes the depression worse bc I get consumed with guilt bc I have to go on with tradition for my daughter’s sake but it takes everything I have to smile my way through. Thank you for this blog topic it’s so on time.

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  23. I just saw this. Missed the first 11 but went back and read everything. Until two months didn’t really recognize the signs of depression until they hit full force. It seems that everything just goes wrong and you are drowning and can’t breathe. Tears just come all throughout the day. Can’t shake the feeling and I used to be a person who smiled all day. Now, don’t want to leave the house, crochet projects go unfinished, can’t find solace in anything. Everything you wrote sounds beautiful and it makes sense but don’t know how to get there. First time that suicide came mind in my life and I hate myself for it. That’s just not me. I’ll keep reading your blogs hoping something clicks.

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    • This feeling sounds so familiar to me! I was there not long ago. Sometimes the best you can do is the next right thing. And that’s ok! It all starts with self compassion and letting ourselves really feel the feelings….we can’t work through them until we start doing that. Sending big love and hugs to you <3

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  24. I realized my marriage needed work after our kids became adults. My husband was the bread winner and I was the stay at home mom, our roles were like this for years and when our kids became adults we were both lost. We had to connect as a couple again and find our roles as empty nesters. We had to work on just us. I am happy to say we are close like we used to be and we have a great relationship with our kids. It was hard and I did withdraw from life for a while, but I am happy to say we are GOOD!

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